Commitment

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. 

Samuel Beckett

In order for you to have an extraordinary life, you have to make an extraordinary effort. And you have to commit to it. In this book "Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson, he talks about how things that makes you successful is easy to do, and also easy NOT to do. I cannot agree with that more. I think I talked about this in the last post. I am really feeling the desire and a need to step out from where I am now. Rather than blaming it on the New Moon and Mercury retrograde, which are my favorite excuses for the past few days. When you really want something, you would not make excuses. Instead, we make excuses why we shouldn't do it. Right? We say to ourselves, "oh, if I want to do this, I have to give up on XYZ" "If I want to work on this, I have to NOT watch my favorite show." "If I want to save money, I have to stop buying the coffee all the time".. so on and so on. We find the evidence in why things won't work. because it's easy that way. Because it's easy to stay in our comfort zone and pretend that we are trying to do good, but the life happens and it's actually not going to happen. We make excuses all the time. The question is "DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?!"

As things starting to shift in my life, I am realizing that I am responsible for my life. A lot more than I  imagined. There are so many limited beliefs and those are the only ones that I am aware of. And those are already not the fun thing to work on. Yet, if I really want to be the best version of myself, which I do want, then I have to face those things and get out of that mentality. As those limited beliefs come up, I've entered the next phase. My awareness for those beliefs and behavioral/emotional/spiritual pattern have improved. And I am also aware of what I should be doing in order for me to move path. I do it in my head. The thing is that I have yet to start act upon it, not fully anyways. I do take micro steps here and there. But am I fully committed to the choices I make, or move that I make?! Sadly, the answer is still NO. Why? Because I am afraid. Those things make me scared. what if people think that I am crazy? What if I don't do it right? What if I am not good enough? Do I want to grow? YES. Absolutely 1000% yes. So, what's stopping me? Myself. It is tough. I admit everything. I have been so good at pretending that everything is sunshine and rainbow. I get intimidated, I get scared, I get nervous. So I'd rather not try. I'd rather not do the thing that makes me better and look "good" than do the things that scares me and learn from it. That was me and big part of me still is that. Recovering perfectionist. The thing that's been hard for me is that my phases are complete bipolar. I would have phases and phases of just doing without fear and attacking. Then there comes the phase that made me feel so insecure and insignificant that I just wanna shoot myself in the head, metaphorically speaking. So, it goes from 1000% super charged to -1000% super drained in a matter of second. Doing meditation and the use of essential oils have been helping me. Yet, it's a journey that I want to move pass and grow forward. They say that the more you're capable as a vessel, the more pain you would feel. Maybe that's happening to me as well. Or, I am just being a complete chicken. The fact is that I would never know. All I can do is to take few moment, breathe deeply and acknowledge that this is where I am, this is something I'm going through now and there's nothing wrong with it. I will learn whatever it is there to learn and move on. It's easier said than done. everything is. And it's easy to do, and it's easy NOT to do. So, what's it gonna be? I want to be the best version of myself, whatever the way the Universe has created me to be. I want to grow farther, thrive and contribute to the Universe. So, I really need to step up. I really WANT to step and be the person, I preach all the time. I am not gonna be the rainbow and sunshine all the time. I am gonna be a person. A person who lives in the moment and embrace every ounce of that moment. And TRIVE. Here, I make a proclamation. I am committing to my growth and fail miserably over and over again so that I could be the best version of myself.

Love, Hope, Faith