2 lessons I leanred

Truth, honesty, and sincerity. That speaks louder than anything else. It reaches out deeper than anything else. It just touches people's heart in most spiritual level. When someone is not sincere, you can tell. Their words won't just get you. At the same time, you have to be sincere about listening to that person as well. So, it goes both ways. A genuine relationship start only when both side are sincere to each other. It's never one-way.

 I tried to write so many things. Sometimes, words come out more easier than other times. But, when my heart and passions are not fully there, it sounds fake and I'm just lining out words that seems right for the context. I'm not lying to you. I'm still trying to write as best as I can. But I'm still thinking and planning in my head. Do you get the difference?! There are so many wonderful blogs out there that can teach you and preach you more detailed, constructive way and some people do that professionally to make their living. Me... no. I wish I could write like them. But, that's their word. not mine. English is not even my first language! lol. I just want to share my thoughts and hope that you'll find something in it. I don't even intend to inspire you or motivate you. I just want to share my thoughts, no layers, no covers, just me. The most honest part of me.

The other day, I had an amazing conversation with my boyfriend. It was one of the best conversation we ever had. He's very smart, intelligent, and good with words. And sometimes that can be very annoying. Smart becomes "Smart-ass". I was irritated about my situation. How my reality and dreams had so much gap. I know how I should see the situation, how I should be grateful for what I have right now, how there're people who'd kill to be in where I am now, how this is only temporary not the permanent situation... And because both sides were so obvious, the fact that I have to think about how I should feel made me upset. I just wanted to feel that way. My ego was taking over. Why can't I?! Why should I?! Those were the question going around and around in my head. Ego based questions.. "I" based question. It blinded me so much, occupied my head so much. Then he told me something brilliant. Something that I've been forgetting to see.

"When you can't believe in who you are, when you have difficulty trusting who you are, do it for people who care about you, for people who believe in you. Do it for them."

And it hit me. Instantly my mother popped up in my head. She believes in me more than anyone else. She just believes in me. She wishes nothing but my happiness and the best for me. And I know that she won't be disappointed even if I decide to quit or give up. She still want me to be happy no matter what with no expectations in return. I know that and I have absolutely NO doubt about that. And I want to be better for her.  I want to make her proud, besides the fact that I'm her daughter. I want to be strong, fight, and believe in me for her. And that made me strong. That moment my doubt disappeared. 

2 lessons I learned in this conversation.

1, You have to be sincere not only when you speak, but also when you listen.

2, When you have difficulty believing in who you are or what you do, do it for people who believe in you. 

Be honest, sincere, transparent. You have no reason not to. You are worth it.

Love