you don't have to do it alone. just talk

“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” 
― John Lennon

Having a good community where you can get love and support is so important. Because none of us can live alone and we shouldn't in a first place. And last week, the importance of "good community" kept coming up in conversation. I am fortunate and grateful to find different communities with people that I love and whom I can count on. But a community doesn't just start out of no where, does it? It is born when group of like minded people get tother for the same motivation, cause, or the goal. And together, they thrive to better themselves, and support each other when needed. 

Last night was one epic moment for the Asian American community that I call home. I wouldn't have been here without this organization and this family, National Asian Artists Projects. Along with legendary Baayork Lee, Steven Eng and Nina Zoie Lam founded this organization for Asian American community 5 years ago. So that we, Asian American,  can go beyond and reach our full potential, and have family and friends. I have so much respect for these people and no words can express enough. They genuinely want what's good for us and are willing to fight for it. When I first moved to NYC, they welcomed me with open arms. They became my friends and family. This industry can be, and is, competitive. But this place is always filled with love and support. And not only that they know when to be tough on us, so that they can push us forward. Congratulations to all your success, your journey and what's more to come. 

In any of the community, or the group of friends that I was able to take a part in, there's a one thing that's in common. "LOVE". We just fell in love with each other. We are all from all over the place. Different background, different culture, we are different ages.... But there was a connection, a certain kind of bond. I don't know why. But there was something that makes me want to become better. At first it was kinda opposite. I just got nervous and intimidated by their looks, their attitude, their knowledge and experiences. I felt that it wasn't the right place for me. Jumping into a new place was/is not something I'm good at to begin with. I kept asking myself, why am I here with all these amazing people? I tried to convince myself that the fact that I am here means that I belong here. But let's face it, it wasn't working for a long time, and I still have those days. After all, I haven't done any shows(full productions) in close to a decade. Sharing a stage with those amazing people made me think, "maybe I don't have what it takes to be a lead, I am just an ensemble material.... " At the same time, there's a part of me with strong ego says, "why am I not singing that solo piece? I can do it too. No, I can do it better." Those two fight against each other, and every time it ends with this.. "STOP IT! this is not about comparing yourself to others. They did their share of work. Only competitor is you. GET OVER YOURSELF!" It's so easy to compare ourself in this business. The people who book more jobs. The ones that doesn't. Simple. It's so easy to fall into the rabbit hole and beat yourself up, IF you are doing this alone.

The thing about having a great support system and community is that you don't have to do it alone. Not only when you're down, but you can also celebrate together. The other day, I had a breakdown during the class. Because I was feeling stuck for a good amount of the time, while looking at others improving and shining. I felt myself shrinking day by day. And my teacher caught it and called me out on that. "What's going on?" I broke down. At the end of the class, everyone gave me a hug and told me how much they love me and that they understand me because they've all been there. Feeling stuck. Comparing to others. Beating up yourself. Wanting to quit, thinking that you're not good enough.... You don't have to go into the meetings or a club to build a community. Your family and your friends are there for you. You don't have to do it alone, and you shouldn't  in the first place. It's hard to share what you're going through or what you're feeling, especially the first time. You feel ashamed or embarrassed or you're wasting their time. But you're not. If they think that's the case, they won't be there to begin with. So next time someone asks how you are doing, just talk to them. It might not make any sense. It might have absolutely no structure and you could be just blabbing whatever that comes out of your mouth. But if you know that you need a support and some love, talk to someone. You really don't have to do it alone. and remember, you are not alone. And maybe, by you talking to someone, could change their perspective too.

love, hope, faith