push yourself

"Get comfortable with being uncomfortable"

I don't think anyone likes to put themselves in uncomfortable situations. Being comfortable means stability, safety, and contentment. When things get tough and messy, it's easy to call it a quit, give up on things, or choose to stay where you are comfortable. Our life is a continuous journey. It's not a destination. When we are young things are easy. Because we don't know the differences. Everything we encounter is new and uncomfortable, well, we won't even know that it's "uncomfortable" to begin with. We were just excited to experience something you've never experienced!!!! When was the last time you got excited over something that you are uncomfortable or unfamiliar?! I don't even remember! The "UNKNOWN" is what'll help us go to the next step, don't you think?! As we grow we learn to judge ourselves, criticize ourselves, and care about what other people tell about you. Then our everyday struggle starts. But remember, our everyday struggles are there only because there is an everyday Savior. God didn't created you by mistakes. You are created with everything you need in your life. You already have everything in you. You need to find it and cultivate that.

Allow me to confess something. There were times that I've ran away from those uncomfortable situations before. I didn't wanna be there. It scared me and made me feel worth nothing. I compared myself with others and thought that I wasn't good enough, or beautiful enough or didn't belong there. It became to the point that thinking about it made me physically sick. So, I decided not to show up any more. I ran away because I was scared. Last night, the same situation occurred. My inner critique was telling me that I wasn't good enough. I had no confidence or strength to move forward. I knew that I've worked for it. It was a completely new material and I had to work extra hard. yup, I had to break it down all the pronunciations and such. This song that was assigned is something I won't pick for myself. I asked my friend to see if he can understand what I was singing and he said he didn't for a couple of times. It was 5 minutes before I had to leave the house it made me burst into tears. It really did. I totally broke down and got upset for what was going on. And I knew that there was no time to give a second thought, at that point I only had less than 5 minutes. He said "if this class made you so upset and uncomfortable, just don't go". Then what came out from my mouth surprised me.

"I don't want to run away anymore."

Not only that I said it, also that made me realize that I was running away from the uncomfortable situations before. Things I told others were lies that I made myself believe. How could I not notice?! It was me, who wasn't being responsible for my own life.

So, I went and put myself out there. I said screw it and just did it. I admitted my teacher that I was nervous. I was still holding back to certain level, but I did it. I finally faced the fear after all these years.

Self worth and self critique, confidence.. there are all something that I need to work on. I

have to put God before me. I have to build more faith in Him, not to me. This was just one

break through. It's just the first step. It only just began. Imagine, for running away for

this much time, I have so much things to work on! I wish I had this breakthrough way earlier.

But the most important thing is that I admitted that I was afraid and I was running away. At

least I made a crack to the heavy thick wall. I just gotta keep attacking it till it breaks

down. I have to keep working on it. The journey will not be easy or short. All I could do is

to put my faith and confidence in God and keep going. But I know that if I decided to go for

it, I could do it. And this is only the beginning.

Love, Hope, Faith...

Life is a Puzzle

Passion leads to action, which results in Success. A lot of us are so afraid of "Not making it" and won't even try. You know how they say "If you don't answer, the answer will always will be NO."? It's the same thing. We're afraid and thinking that maybe we are not good enough, so let's not even bother. Or there are enough people who are trying to do what I want to do, what's the odd of me making it!? I'm too old. I'm not educated enough. I'm not talented enough.... the lists go on and on. And We don't even start. So, of course the answer will always be no. If you don't go to that interview, there's absolutely no way that they are going to offer you a job. The results of not showing up are these, 

A) they don't know who you are, so you don't get it. 

B) they don't know that you want that job, so you don't get it. 

It's that simple. If you don't go for what you want, you'll never get it. It doesn't mean that you'll always get the job only because you show up. When you show up, your options are these...

A) You get the job.

B) You won't get the job.

C) they might consider you for something else that might be even better. 

So, you will have one extra option that's positive compare to when you don't show up. There's no guarantee in life. But you have to not to be afraid of not getting it. You have to be afraid of not even trying to go get it. Because you might be exactly what they want. You might not have the skill, or experiences, or the education they want. But they might want you just because you showed up. That's all we could ask, don't you think?! Would you regret not doing what you've always be wanted to do if you just not wake up tomorrow?! It might be kinda cliche, but the ultimate question will be, 

"Would you be happy if today is your last day?!". 

We are meant to live and take action fueled by our passion. Your passion will lead you to take action. Whether you take it or not, that's your choice.  If you let go of the fear of being rejected not making it, you will take that action. Making mistakes or taking the wrong path will teach you not to make that mistake again, or not to take that path. It was all just a learning experiences. We all learn through out in our lives, don't we?! We have to always keep in mind that there are more things that we know. There are also things that we know that we don't know. THEN there are thing that we don't know that we don't know. Be open to it. There are millions and billions of possibility if you decide to open up and give it a chance. If the results come out not exactly as you want!? great! at least you know now! move on to the next thing in your life. 

Our life is created by series and series of many many small events. So, don't let that one moments ruin your whole life. It's just like a huge puzzle. Everyday you fill a piece. One piece a day. And when you leave this Earth to be with the Lord, your puzzle will be complete. The only tricky thing is that you don't get to see how your puzzle looks like when it's completed. It's not for you to see. It's for others to see. That puzzle you just completed, that's a piece to a even bigger puzzle that's orchestrated by God. Only He knows how it looks like. And He knows exactly how it looks like. We are creating the pedestal for others. We are here to leave something for the generations to come. So don't be afraid of making the mistakes or not making it. Don't. No matter where you are in your life right now, your puzzle is going to be beautiful, just because you LIVED your life the fullest. You know how they say life is your canvas?! So, painted colorfully! Make a beautiful art! It's yours to make it, it's others to see. 

Again, your passion will show you what actions to take. It's your choice to take that action.

Love, Hope, Faith

If not me, WHO? If not now, WHEN!?

I've always love this quote. "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future". We all have the ability and blessing from God to change and redirect our lives. How amazing is that?! We all have choices in our lives, whether if it's conscious or not.

We need to shift our focus. As long as our focus is on our benefit and our own gain, nothings is going to anywhere. Because our life is not about us. We are all created in the perfect image of our GOD. So, we are all assigned to our specific assignments. We all have that. Some realizes in their early ages, some won't not what it is till later on in their life. The important things is that we have to know that God created us to do that specific work in this Universe at this specific time. We may not now why we are doing it. We may not not to whom we are doing it for. But that doesn't matter. We have to really see that we are all a apart of this gigantic Universe and are here to do that specific mission.

the topic for this video is different. But I want to share this video. "If not me, WHO?! If not now, WHEN!?" that's an amazing question that you need to ask yourself. What's your path?! What's God's plan for you!? HE's got so much more in store for you. A lot more than you can possibly imagine. You are good enough. Please know. And if you weren't, those desires won't be in you to begin with. As I've written before, the fact that the certain ideas/dreams are in you, it's all ways meant to manifest, as long as you do your work. Just hoping that it's gonna happen is not gonna do you good. You gonna have to work for it. You gonna have to make some type of sacrifices.You gonna have to make some choices that might not make some people happy. But at the end of the day you gonna have to do what you are called to do. If you know that that's the path you have to take, or what you're called to do, GO FOR IT. God's got your back. I got your back. Believe in God, He knows your story and He LOVES you. You are created in his perfect image. You are more important than you think. You are more beautiful thank you think. You are more creative than you think. You are better than what you think.

You are worth it.  

So surrender to God. Know that he's the Lord of healing. I love you always, and I want nothing but the best for you. You are already good enough. Know that you are amazing. 

Love, Hope, Faith

Who You Are

I stare at my reflection in the mirror

Why am I doing this to myself?

Losing my mind on a tiny error

I nearly left the real me on the shelf

No, no, no, no, no,no

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

Tears don't mean you're losing

Everybody's bruising

Just be true to who you are

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?

I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah

The more I try the less it's working, yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause everything inside me screams

No, no, no, no, no,no,no,no

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

But tears don't mean you're losing

Everybody's bruising

There's nothing wrong with who you are

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows like whoa

Just go and leave me alone

Real talk, real life, good luck, goodnight

With a smile, that's my home; that's my home

No, no, no, no, no

Don't lose it all in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart

Tears don't mean you're losing

Everybody's bruising

Just be true to who you are

Written by 

Peiken, Shelly M/Gad, Toby/Cornish, Jessica

Performed by

Jessie J

today is my favorite day

"Forever is composed of nows.” 

― Emily Dickinson

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "Life is a journey, not a destination.”  he also said “Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.” 

The other day at the church, they were talking about how we lose sight of who we are and what we are. Like when we get busy with our work, we forget why we're working so hard for. You work so hard to support your family, save up for your kids's collage education, this and that... you put so much work and you miss out on spending time with them, which is more important. We hear it all the time, "oh, my parents weren't around because they were too busy working all the time". Yes, their hearts are in the right place.  Everyone wants their family to be happy and be provided for whatever that they need. But let's think about it from the other perspective. When you play for your school baseball team and all your teammates have their family cheering for them, except you. You stare at the empty seat you saved for your parents, wishing that they'll show up eventually. Or when you are at the graduation, hoping that your family will show up and celebrate the day with you, but they are too busy working.... It's hard, because after certain age, you do understand where they are coming from. You know that their heart is in the right place. But missing out on the moments like that, that hurts, right? You cannot go back to the moments that you lost. 

Don't lose the sight of who we are and who's important in our lives. We have to realize that spending time with people you love, including yourself, is very important. It's important to work for it. but don't ever forget why you are doing it, who you are doing it for. Take a moment and realize that. Don't forget to breathe. Everyday is the best day of your life. Enjoy every moment of it.

Love, Hope, Faith

Love is verb

When you love someone, don't just tell them that you love them. Show them that you love them. Please do.

My grandfather went to be with God a few days ago. He was the best grandfather, kind, loving, smart... everything you could ask for. He was also the most determined person I've ever known. When he was diagnosed with diabetes, the doctors were all impressed and fascinated by how he changed his eating habits and life style completely. He stopped smoking and drinking and never went back. He loved to hike and walk around the nature and plant flowers in the backyard. He loved to argue and make his points. He did amazing job raising his kids, especially my father who's the best.  He loved me unconditionally and supported me and my dream. When I spoke to him the last time, because of his hearing, he didn't seem to recognize me. But I knew that he was trying. My parents often told me that my grandfather and I have similar characteristics because we're both born in the year of rat. lol

It's sad that I didn't get to say good bye, especially because I was about to go see him next month to celebrate his birthday. And I just told my grandmother to tell him that he better get better by the time I get there so that we can spend some time together. My grandmother said that he was very excited about me going there and he was actually getting better compare to a few days prior.

When I decided to come live in the place that a half way across from them, I knew that it was bound to happen eventually. But actually being in that circumstances made you realize many things that I wasn't prepared for. I regret that I wasn't part of my family as much as I should have. I could have just picked up the phone and called them more often. But I didn't. I made excuses about time differences, and being busy. And the truth is that I didn't really know how to talk to them any more. The less I talked to them, the more I fell apart from them. It's only natural. It's not that I don't love them. I love them so much. And I wanna show them how much I love them. I'm going to be a part of their life more than before.

Just telling people you love them, or you care about them isn't enough. That's just some words. Your action speaks louder than words. Love is the verb, not a noun. You have to LOVE people. Not you have to have LOVE for them. It takes courage and efforts. Sometimes it's uncomfortable and frustrating. But when you love people you have to LOVE them. And my grandfather taught me that. I had the awareness of that concept, but he was telling me to put that into action. Change the love from noun to verb, from the concept to action. and to be in the moment with them, to live the moment with them. I miss him tremendously. But as my father and grandmother said, don't mourn his death, celebrate his life. So I will. Life is to be lived. Life is to love and to be loved. Stop making excuses, don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Now he is watching over me with the Lord. His spirit will always be with me. And I will always love him.

Love, Hope, Faith

Love you grandpa

What's beyond

It's important to know that whatever you see, hear, or experience, that's only your side of the story. It's more than that. We've been told that there're always 2 sides to every stories. See, hear, experience beyond what it is now. I wrote about the paradigm shift long time ago. So, it's kinda like that.

I just want to share what I experienced today. I was working and this lady was dining alone. She ordered 2 dishes. One of them took longer than the other. Right before 2nd dish came out, she asked for a check and told me that "oh, I thought you forgot about it". I went into the kitchen where I saw that her dish was about to be sent out. I brought her the dish and she decided to stay and finish what she ordered. I deal with enough crazy people throughout the day. But the way she asked for the check and assumed that I forgot kinda upset me. It hadn't even been 10 minutes!!! Right before she left, she asked me over and told me this. "I'm really sorry if I was rude. But I'm usually really shy and don't like eating out alone. Not only that I realized that I forgot my wallet and had to ask my son to bring it to me. I was very embarrassed and I am sorry." She was so sweet and sincere. I felt really bad for getting upset like that. I told her thank you for that comment. It actually meant a lot for me. As I said, I deal with more than enough crazy people throughout the day. I don't know their stories. All I ask is the common courtesy to treat me as a person, not a servant, and not to disrespect me. That's all. Things people assume they can get away with can surprise you.

The fact that she came to me and made that comment made me realize that I was only seeing, hearing and experiencing my side of the story. It doesn't mean that you can let other people treat you wrong or let them get away with things. It's not. It takes an effort to see the whole picture and most of the time you can't see the whole picture. But at least know that there are more stories. And you are a part of the big story orchestrated by God. God placed those people in your life so that you can learn something, or they can learn something from you. Keep your eyes open to what's around you. See beyond what you see. Hear beyond what you hear. And experience beyond your experience. There're more to it.

Love, Hope, Faith

mindset

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

The other day, I attended this event about "Overcoming a scarcity mindset". It was very interesting. Our mindset is usually created by your social status, cultural background, gender, or even social media... all sorts of things. The ideas and the stereo types of all those things can build certain mindset in your life. For example, if you grow up listening to your parents saying "oh, we don't have money for this and that", you mind grow a mindset of "not having enough". When you get bullied growing up, you could have the mindset of "I'm not worthy to be doing this and that, or to even have friends". Even though that we might be aware of the concept that we are capable of changing the mindset, we still are trapped in that mindset still. That could lead us to 'pity party" or root "fear of success" in you. You check your social media so very often to the point that it becomes your addiction. So, rather than having it as a tool to network yourself or to keep in touch with others to certain extent, you just make that the your ow personal validation system. How many "Likes" we got. How many compliments we got...  but those are not who you are. Who you are is so much more deeper and more worthy of everything you can possible imagine and even more. Those social medias or the ideas of how things should be do not define who you are or how worthy you are. Your thoughts become your belief, and that becomes your mindset. You are in charge of that. The panels were talking about this artist. "Artists are poor. And once you have money, it's too commercial, it's not good enough." well, those were the ideas of how artists should be. So, after this artist made some income by selling her art, she just went out and spent everything. Because she had a mindset of "artists should be poor". There's nothing wrong with having money. As an artist or as anything. It will actually let you have some options to explore more with your potential. If you have money, maybe you can take this class and that class without worrying about how you're gonna pay the rent this month. If you have some money, it might let you have some option of choosing what work to take. High paying but not so interesting, or low paying (or even non-paying gig!) but something you are very passionate about. There's nothing wrong with having money. You have to tell yourself that you are worthy of success and more financial freedom. You have to tell yourself that you are worthy of that opportunity. Mindset can be changed.

Another thing that was very interesting was talk about process. You know how we talk about "if you can see it, you can get it", or that we have to visualize as if we've already reached the goal. But in this talk, it was different. It's one thing to know your goal and being able to visualize. But what's more important is to know your process and to even visualize the process. In business, they talk about planes. Short term plans, mid term planes, and long term plans. And depending on those plans or goals, you break things down and know what you should be doing to reach those goals. Think things from the end to the front. It's the opposite way. But I love that. We need to know what we should do. How we could approach and obtain the goal?! Just visualizing it is only the half way, I think. If you visualize and think that's going to manifest, that's not true. The whole thing is that you have to visualize how you want or what you want, and THEN you have to know what you need to do and how you need to do. Getting there means so much more than reaching the goal. Everything is the learning experience and the foot steps towards the better future. And have faith that you're going to make it.

You cannot let any of those ideas of how things should be or how you are not worthy of success or financial freedom limit who you are or what you can accomplish. When you realize those thoughts, acknowledge that it's there and let go. Your time is more useful and important. Your worth is so much more than that. Do what you have to do. Your future can be beyond what you want, if you let it and work for it.

Love, hope, faith.

one step at a time

"Good" is the enemy of "Great". 

So, I finally finished "I Declare" by Joel Osteen. What a great book. He's coming out with new book soon, and I'm excited about that.

It's so easy to get stuck in the comfort zone. In order for us to grow, we just gonna have to push ourselves out of that comfort zone. And it takes guts. You hear the "Big fish small pond" thing, right?! It's just like that. Being here in the city makes you realize how small your pond were. and now that I'm out in the bigger pond, cuz this city is not really "OCEAN". there're so much more still out there. but it shows you how tough all these things are. And when you are out in the ocean and know how much more you need to grow, what will you do?! Do you think it'ts too much and quit, or do you go out and work more on yourself till you actually make it? I'd rather be like the later. I don't wanna be a quitter. I wanna be a dreammaker, not even a dreamer. Anyone can dream, but to make those dreams come true, you have to be backed up by your own action and faith. You have to do your work. Having only faith is not good enough. You have to prove by your faith. God knows what He's put into you. He knows your every hair and every pores. He knows better what path you're ought to take. If you didn't get what you want to get in YOU WAY, or YOUR TIMELINE, let me remind you, it's not gonna happen. You can get upset, or scream at Him. . But He is the God of provider and He's the God of promise. You have to prove yourself by your action, so that He knows that you're acting upon His words and you have faith in Him. One step at a time. A small one step is better than nothing.

things might get ugly or uncomfortable. But it's there for a reason. He's protecting you from something. He wants you to be better than you can possibly imagine. So, trust in Him. One day, one step at a time. Because your faith and action will take you to the place far better than you ever thought. Don't settle for good. Be great. Because you already are. You're meant to do something great. And you are equipped with everything you need. All you need is to find it and to have a faith, and nourish it.

Love, Hope, Faith

Bold Obedience

That's the excitement in Obedience, 

finding out what GOD had in mind.

---Brother Andrew---

"To obey" means not only to "follow the command of", it also means "to follow the guidance of", according to the dictionary. I got to hear Craig Groeschel (founder of LifeChurch.tv) speak about "Bold Obedience". Especially in the city like NYC, it's so easy to lose the sight of who you are and what you are meant to do. 

1)Bold Obedience usually triggers "opposition"

---If you are not ready to face opposition, you are not ready to be used by God.----

We've all been there. You try so hard for it but just not getting the result you want. Life pushes you and it makes you want to call it a quit. Just want to forget about it and do something new or not do anything at all?! But that bump could be the exact thing that you need to get over to get where you want to go. That 24th "NO" can be the one right before the "YES". When you are doing what you are called to do, there'll always be oppositions. Because God knows that you are capable of overcoming that and do His work. You need overcome that exact thing so that He can do His extraordinary work through you. Oppositions are there to make you strong, wise, kind, experienced... and many more. 

2)Bold Obedience often release God's miracles.

---but you won't be surprised because you've been with God along the way.

All the seeds are already planted in the moment you were born. He knew exactly who you are, how you are and what you're going to do. Of course, He made you. You are the child of the most High God. And when you walk through the darkness/oppositions, you'll see the miracles. And if you walked all those ways through oppositions/darkness, kept faith and listened to his voice, those miracles along the way won't be a surprise. Because He's been telling you how things are going to be. God's miracles are everywhere. The fact that you're reading this is a miracle! And then again, I believe that I'm writing this for that purpose. Maybe you just randomly came across with this blog, and that's another miracle! His miracles are everywhere. 

3)Bold Obedience always requires FAITH. 

---You don't have to know the details to be obedient immediately.

 Start by faith. 

Obedience is your responsibility, outcomes are God's. Partial/late obedience is disobedience. 

If you knew the whole plot and the details of a movie, you might not even watch the movie, don't you think?! It's just silly. Someone just told you how the story goes on and on and on right when you are walking into the theatre... It's the same thing. If you knew how things are going to be, or how tough your journey will be, you might not even want to try. Those details could make you not want to do it at all! We don't know the details because we don't have to know. All we have to know is that things are going to work out. . You just put that into action. But having that bold faith in God will change your life! You can start anything just by that faith. Believe in His master plan. Know that He is capable of anything and everything. Know that He can handle what we can't handle. That's what we need to remind ourselves. 

When you feel like your life is getting stuck, take a moment and breathe. Obedience is an action. It means that you're living with God. Follow His way. Be with Him. that's what we need to do. 

Love, Hope, Faith