When I grow up, I want to be Happy

"I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. 

But I know I want to be. 

I want to be HAPPY".

It is eye opening, especially hearing those words coming out from 13 year-old boy, Logan Laplante. He was taken out of regular school and put to home schooling when he was 9 years old. Have you ever thought about it that way?! I never even thought about the difference between, what I want to do and what I wanted to be when I was his age.

Throughout our lives, what we want to do change. But ultimately I think what we want to be will always be the same. We want to be HAPPY, just like Logan said. People say they want to be rich, famous, or successful because in their mind, that's what'll bring them happiness. They think all the money and fame are the key elements to their happiness. But the truth is that's not the case. Obtaining those statues won't guarantee you happiness. Do you think that's true?! Do you think all the famous people or rich people in the world are happy?! Or do you think people who don't have those money or fame, like most of us,  are not happy? I don't think so. The key elements to the happiness is your mind-set. It's a choice and a lifestyle. It's an approach towards the life. It is a mentality. It's a perspective of how you see the world. Do you focus on what you have or what you don't have? Happiness is not something made of or consist by some essence. It's not a equation. There's no rule. There's no definition. The only thing that'll guarantee you happiness is LOVE.

We always hear famous people dying such an early age due to overdose of drug or committing suicide. We hear famous people "acting out". They probably had money, obviously fame, and success. They had what most people want. So why!? There's no answer for that since they are not here to answer. But my guess is that those elements didn't bring them happiness.

Everybody wants to be happy. There's no doubt about it. I think it's because we're so focused on what we're lacking. Because we "want" to be happy, instead of just be happy.

You might not be where you want to be, but you're not where you could have been. 
-Carl Lentz-

I think a lot of us don't know that we have the power to just be happy for no reason. We don't have to have a reason to be happy. We don't need anything to be happy. We can just be happy. I think it's time for us to realize that we have that power and choice. And spread that to people around you.

Love,

True Beauty

So, I've mentioned that your smile is the most beautiful make-up you can wear. It just is. We're all born into this world for different purpose and for reason. We all have a role we take in this Universe. And we're all born differently for that exact thing. height, color, gender, ethnicity... that doesn't define who you are or who you are not. that doesn't determine what you do or what you're going to do. there's nothing has to do with that. 

This will be like my confession blog. Especially when I was in high school, I had issues. I had eating disorder, and I had severe self-esteem issue. Probably that's all teenage girl's life, right?! We all make it seems way worse than it is. at least it felt like that when you are on the spot anyway. it's easy to preach and tell you what you should do or how you should see the world differently. it's not easy to just put that thoughts get through your scull and your heart. It takes time. 

I hated eating. for a person 4'11", gaining 5pouds is a lot. people notice right away. And I didn't gain 5 pounds. I gained more like 20 pounds after I quit swimming team. It didn't make me feel better at all. My intake of the day might have been like 400-500Cal a day. I chewed 100 times every bite I took, supposedly that should make you feel full more and faster. And I made sure that everything I ate was low or no calorie, like seaweed, mushroom, soup... And I joined sports team, which made me run at least 3hours a day. Then, after that practice, I'd go to local swimming pool and swim 2 hours. Sure, I lost weight. My weight went down to almost 75 pounds. Every morning, getting on the scale and made sure that I wasn't gaining any weight. Even a pound was a big deal for me. If I gained anything, I ate less. I was in control of my weight. And I felt better. My period stopped for over a year. And that didn't really scare me. I'd rather wanted to be skinny and pretty (in my definition). I fit in any clothes and i even had to alter the smallest size suits. It made me proud. For me, it was something of an accomplishment. Eventually, I really didn't want to eat. Just looking at food made me sick. And just one bite of anything made me full. I did pretend to eat in front of my friends, because I didn't want them to think that I wasn't really eating. I took a few bite and if I thought I ate too much, I really didn't eat the rest of the day. I appreciate my boyfriend so much. He helped me to get out from this delusion. Well, according to him, I still don't eat that much. But at least, I eat more than before. and yes, I love eating. especially sweets. Yes, I still do exercise and try to maintain myself fit. But, I don't get on the scale every morning and go up and down like before. If I eat a little too much, it's ok. I'll walk or exercise a little more the next day. Now, I look back my pictures from those days and it scares me. It looks like a sick person. all my bones are shown and I was what my mother would call "Chopstick with an egg on top". 

There're still days that I have difficulty accepting me for who I am, after all, I'm in the business where I'm constantly getting rejected even though it does nothing have to do with who I am. I'm not a quiet person by far. Once my friend told me that "If you are taller and have the same personality, people think you're very obnoxious, you're lucky you're short." And the other friend said, "I think you are like that because you're short". I'm usually the shortest and loudest person when I'm around people. To tell you the truth, people don't usually think I'm that short. They think at least I'm 5'. Then, I tell them that "I have a big face and big personality that can make you smile". I'm not the most beautiful or sexiest person by the definition of Hollywood standard. What I am is the most smiling person and I'm proud of it. I'm the most loving person and I'm proud of it. My family, friends, and boyfriend love me for who I am, what I am and what I do, not for how I look like. 

It makes me sad how media and social ideas of "BEAUTY" are so conflicted and far fetched from the reality and truth. We're being brainwashed by all those images and start thinking that we should look like that. We have to realize that those ideas are created by "PEOPLE". Most of those images are edited and photoshoped. They wear tons of make up. You've all seen those "Before and After" pictures, yes?! Don't judge a book by its cover. I just read in this book about Mona Lisa who is one of the most known female in the world. "The painting is beautiful, but she's not the most beautiful person in the world, by far!". I agreed and it made me laugh. A person's value has nothing to do with their appearance. You know how much that original painting cost?! Was Mother Theresa the most beautiful!? Audrey Hepburn thought she wasn't pretty and nobody's going to love her. Angelina Jolie has weight issues, which I really hope that she'll be healthy. Our first impression is determined by the looks. Yes, that's true. You don't want to go to your job interview dressed in your pajama with no make up. But at the end of the day, if the person is fake, you won't be around them. 

I truly believe that beauty is something that comes from within. It's your love, passion and sincerity. That's what makes you who you are. You are created with everything you need. It doesn't mean that you don't have to work on anything. That only means that all the tools and seeds you need are in you. It's up to you to use it. It is up to you to nourish them. It's up to you to go to the next level. We always have to work on ourselves to be better for us, and for the purpose you're born with. Smile more often. Love with your whole heart. Embrace yourself for who you are. Love every single inch of who you are even the things that you think it's your flaw. It's all part of who you are. Be kind to other people. Be honest to yourself and to other people. And believe in who you are. It's not going to happen over night. it's a life work. There'll be ups and downs. But, I know that we are all able. We are all meant for better. 

Love,

Just keep going.

People said, don't let your temporary situation define who you are or what your future will be. What you are or how you are right at this moment, that's nothing has to do with that. Everyday, we get to create a brand new chapter in our lives.

I love how he said in this quote "Often it comes disguised in the form of misfortune or temporary defeat". Do you think that's true?! My actor friends told me in different occasions that they felt like they totally messed up at the audition, or that they had the worst audition ever! And few days or weeks later, they tell me that out of nowhere they had a callback from that production/casting director. So, you never know. After that audition, they beat up themselves so much. I could have done this way or that way. I could have done it better..... the list goes on and on. "TEMPORARY DEFEAT" turned out to be the opportunity.

You never know what's waiting for you beyond what you can see.

"If you stayed ready, you never have to get ready."
--Will Smith---

There will always be difficulties, struggles, and pains. It's all temporary. Nothing is permanent. You might not see it through. But beyond all that, we won't know what's there unless we dive in. Have faith. Whenever you feel like you're stuck, defeated, and want to quit, remember that's the Universe telling you that something better is on its way. Something bigger and greater is on its way. Be ready all the time, when you face them, tell them "Is that all you can do?! I got this!" Being able to have faith in unknown, that's your strength. That'll be your backbone. You got this. It's almost there. Just keep going.

Love

You don't have to have it together all the time

So, most of the topics have been, how we should live our life, right?! How we should change our perspective towards positive direction. How we should appreciate our life in every possible aspects. How we should embrace who we are.... And as much as all those are important, we know that we are not perfect, nor we'll ever be. So, I just want to point out something.

It's ok to have a bad day or two.

It's ok not to have it together all the time.

It's ok to cry sometimes. 

It's ok to feel weak sometimes.

It's ok to feel frustrated or upset.

It's ok. 

We're all human beings. We struggle each and everyday. We fight for our future and dreams. We face away from our weakness and faults sometimes, then we come back and face those problems. We're not a finish products. We're all here to learn and improve. It's more important that we learn, get back on our feet and start walking again. And because we have those bad or sad days, when we have good days or good things going for us, it'll helps us appreciate more. Those pain will help us be kind to other people. Those lessons will help us help other people who are going through what we did. Those tears help you see things more clear. Those emotion are part of who you are, and will be the assets of who you are going to be. You see how sky is more clear and beautiful after rain?! Because rain washes away all the dust and dirt in the air. But without that rain, you'll get stuck seeing the dusty sky and you might not even remember how beautiful and clear the sky can be. Everything's there for reasons. It's ok not to have it together all the time. That's not why we are here. We're all different in our own way, and we feel different in every single way. And that's what makes us unique and interesting. Embrace who you are, even your flaws. If you need to work on them, work on them. You are not alone. You don't have to feel bad or ashamed for feeling what you're feeling. I mean, if you're smiling all the time, keep it together all the time, it's boring and you'll probably have a heart attack. Don't you think?!

Love,

What would you do?!

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?!" 

---"Lean In" Sheryl Sandberg--

And what is your answer?! Will you go skydiving?! Will you quit your job and start your own business?! Will you go back to school?! Will you accept yourself for who you are?! Will you tell someone that you're not taking any more that nonsense you've been putting up with? What will you do?!

And when you figure out that answer, DO that.That's the next part of this quote. It's so much easier said than done, right? You would probably say that "I can't just quit job! How am I gonna pay the rent?!" or "I can't just tell them that! What if they hate me!?" or "What if I find out that I'm actually not cut out for that!?" SO?! Are you happy for not doing what you really want to do?! The answer probably will be NO. You're probably feeling miserable doing that 9-5 job you hate so much. Or you're content with that job, but you feel like you are meant for something more than that. Let me ask you one more question, when you asked yourself that question, were you excited to answer those?! If the answer is yes, you probably know that's what you ought to be doing.

The odds are that it's just a matter of time. You've been hiding that burning desire for a long time. You've been wanting to do that. You know that you're meant to do that. So... why not?! I realized that more and more lately. The fact that the thoughts came into your head, that means that you're most likely to be/do/have those things. You've been wanting to do that skydiving for years, but you always say you'll do it when you have money. You said you're gonna go back and finish school when time is right. How long has it been?! You said you'll start your own business when you have enough connection and fund and right moment. Has anything changed since you said that a few years ago?! The right time is NOW. Let's do that now! I'm not telling you to quit job and do whatever you want to do and be happy with whatever happens. But, you are in charge of you action. You're not in charge of the outcome, that's a different story. The more important thing is to take action. You might fail or make mistakes few times. It's ok. just learn from it. Make adjustment the next time.

I read this in one book. In exercise that we were supposed to write 2 obituaries. One: if you die right now. Two; if you die the way you wanted to live your life. And start living like that life you wanted to live!

We all have dreams. Now, this time that you're living and breathing right now, this is the dream that you've dreamed of. This is the moment. Start living your life now!

Love

Life is to be lived, not merely to survive.

Being able to live is not a right. It is a privilege. We cannot and should not take anything for granted.

Everything is precious. Everyone is precious. Every moment is precious. Even things or people that gives you hard time, that's precious, because you are able to experience and learn from that. It's not that everything is perfect. We'll always have problem. It can be anything. a broken car, financial problem, health problem, family problem, relationship problem.... there are millions of things that we can complain. The moment we start paying attention to the things that's not going on, or going against us, we can just keep going. Why is it not like this?! What is wrong with that!? Why is this not happening?! Why is this happening?! The list goes on and on. Are you going to let every single things ruin your life? or dictate how you live your life?! Are you going to let others tell you how you should or should not live your life?! YOUR life!?

Thinking your happiness first and being complete selfish are completely different thing. They are not even close. In order to live your life the fullest, you have to be honest to yourself, be happy with yourself, and embrace yourself. You cannot live your life to please someone. You cannot live your life for other people. You cannot live their life for them. If what you want is to make that person happy, commit to it. Make sure that's what you want. Don't do it out of fear. If I don't do this, this person will hate me, disapprove me, not love me... if that is what you're thinking,  don't even bother. Your life is worth so much more than that. You'll never know what you are actually capable of until you stop pleasing others.

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” 

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.” 


"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” 
― Bill Cosby


I don't want you to live your life just merely to survive. Life is meant to be lived. I want you to enjoy, embrace and cherish every moment in your life. Because there's no better reason not to do so. If you think you did everything, absolutely EVERYTHING you can possibly imagine, think again and look at it from a completely different point of view. Everything has more than one dimension. It has different perspectives to look at. Don't get stuck on one idea. I want you to LIVE this life, not merely to survive, because you deserve better. You deserve the best.

Love,

There's no reason not to laugh.

How will you know what you are capable of 

if you don't open yourself to life's mysteries, 

or usher in the new?

---Deepak Chopra---

Why is God Laughing?!

It's always easier said than done. No matter what or how many books you read, or how much inspirational videos you watch, it all comes down to the same answer. You have to live as a spiritual being borrowing body in this physical realm. What we think, we attract. There're time delay, thank goodness for that. Imagine if we think negative things and that happens right away!? No thank you... Also, thank goodness that our positive energy is stronger than our negative energy. It's so much more stronger. 

Everybody has good days and bad days. One day you feel like you're invincible and the next day you feel like you're at the bottom of the bottom, everything is just falling down on you over and over. And we repeat that. Some days are better than the other. We're all human. It's only natural. And we're all afraid of "Not knowing", "Not in control". But what if we're not in control to begin with!? 

As we get older, we learn things and we expect certain result from certain action/event. And we predict, plan, and act accordingly. Trains run, classes start, meetings start ACCORDING to the schedule. But does it all happen exactly as you planed?! No. Accident might happen. Your teacher might be late. Your client might be late. And those are just minor issues that we're capable of adjusting. But LIFE?! That'a whole new story. You plan you'll have this job and this position by certain age. You plan you'll get married, have kids and have a house by certain age. You plan you'll have this much income by that age... so on and so on... We plan things based on our expectations. And some people do make it happen. most us probably won't. Does that mean we are failure?! NO? Our plans, goals, circumstances change ALL THE TIME! And we all react differently. We have ability to adapt, learn, and create. What we must know is that at the end of the day, everything will work out. Maybe not the way you planed it out, but it all works out for the best. You'll probably end up better than you planed in the first place anyway. Being able to surrender and let go of the control is the essential elements of our life. If you are in the not so great place right now, it might be difficult. You probably worry about tomorrow. You probably worry about the finances, or job, or your health. And when you're in that situation, it's so hard to find what you can appreciate in your life. It seems like everything is just falling apart. People around you might tell you that "But be glad that you're still alive!". And you might think "I'd rather not, so I don't have to worry any more." Please, don't forget you're not alone. You don't have to do it all by yourself. Someone is going to be there for you, maybe someone you know, maybe a stranger. But somebody will be there for you. God will provide you. If nothing else worked, might as well try anything, right? We're not in control of the outcome of our life anyway. We're in charge of our actions, but not the outcome.  It's scary to be in unknown. But like Deepak said in this book, how can you know?!

We're all spiritual beings. I just wish you the best. Being able to surrender, let go of your ego, those are not easy task. But we're all capable of doing that. Maybe I can't be there for you. Maybe I can't do anything directly to make your situation better. Maybe you don't even know I exist. But I pray for all of you. I pray that each and every one of you will achieve that spiritual freedom and place of pure love one day and come to the realization that GOD is laughing, because there's nothing else but to laugh. Because this Universe is a place of Love. 

Love,