A New Ground

I wish I could take my own medicine..... That's what I have been thinking for the past few days. lol. Life is funny, isn't it?!

When you start your journey as a seeker and a student of life, you learn a lot. And all these information that we learn, it is no use if we don't apply into our lives. I am a spiritual and self-help book junkie. I love those books, videos, audios.... those are my thing. That makes me feel good. That makes me feel I did something good not only for myself but also for the world. But the thing is that nothing actually happened. I might have put a seed or two in my brain. I might have gained some knowledge. I might have even shared some of these informations and tools with others. But if I don't apply those amazing things into my life, what's that gonna do?

This past few weeks, I have been really struggling emotionally. I have been crying like I have never before. I have been on emotional roller coasters like I have never been before. I have been throwing temper tantalum like I have never before. I have gained so much information and principals that i have not yet to apply into my life. In other people's eyes, I may look like I am doing everything, doing all the "right" thing, "walking" the talk... but who am I kidding? !I know more than anybody that that ain't gonna cut it.

I am finishing this training that I was in for the past 90 days. The people that I met in this group and throughout this period.. they changed my life. Seriously, my life changed. I don't think I am the same person. The people come into my life changed. The way I relate with people changed. The way I connect with myself change. And yesterday, I was freaking out because I thought that the moment this 90 days are over, it's all gonna disappear like the dream. People will disappear. What I have been through was just a dream. And I will be all alone again.... I knew that wasn't true. I knew that this is all real and these people are not going anywhere. And I did have accomplish all these things. The goals that I have and haven't reached are still there. Yet, I was terrified. I knew that I have a choice to shift my thought and be strong. Yet, my emotion were taking over me. I couldn't shake out the feeling. I wasn't making choices. It was easy to stay in that realm.

This experience was all for trying the new ground. And for me, that was allowing myself to feel it. Allowing myself to be vulnerable. Allowing myself to not be alone. Allowing myself to be ok with sharing those. Allowing myself to be really vulnerable and let others support me. And that actually has been a new ground. So, thank you for creating this space. Thank you fro allowing me to be ok with who I am. And thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for trusting me.