You got all the pieces

“There's no such thing as complete when it comes to stories. Stories are infinite. They are as infinite as worlds.” 
― Kelly Barnhill, Iron Hearted Violet

We know that we are not finish products. There are many places for growth, improvements and filling the blank. As a concept at least anyways. And time to time we feel incomplete as a person. Maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I am not capable of loving people. Maybe I am not capable of being loved. Or maybe you are surrounded by many people, and yet feel so lost and alone, can't help but  feeling like you don't belong there.  Maybe you don't even want to be around the people and shut them out. We all have one of those days, don't we? And what we do when that happens? Do you talk to your friends or family that you trust? Do you write down on your journal? Do you meditate? Do you go out and drink or smoke? Do you have an affair with someone just so that you don't feel lonely? Are you still in a relationship just because you're afraid of being alone? 

How do you fill your incompleteness, or your loneliness? Why do we feel that we need to fill the void with something or someone else?

We all have everything that we need to be who we are. Think about the puzzles. You are the complete package of the puzzle box. The moment we were born, the box was opened. You still have all the pieces in there. But as you started playing this puzzle, you got side tracked, you lost your pieces somewhere, you kinda messed up the piece by accident.... But at the end, you are the complete puzzle. The only question is "Will you finish it?". And yes, our life is not as simple as completing a set of puzzle, not even close. We get side tracked, by life events. Sometimes we need to stop from trying so that we can get the fresh perspective. We get hurt and closed off more often that we want. You might lose piece of you along the way. But you were born with everything you need. And to complete the puzzle is your journey. You can't put someone else's puzzle piece to complete yours, it won't work that way, even though you might want to. You can't fill your missing part with other people, or alcohol, drugs, or whatever that may be. Those are just temporary. The moment the effect wears out, you're gonna feel worse than before. And make you want to go back to the temporary or imaginary fix. The only person that can fill your missing part is YOU and LOVE. Why do we even think that we are not good enough? Why do we think that we are not enough for anything? Why should we think that way? We are all perfectly imperfect in very own way. Because, again, we are not a finish product. We are always work in progress. It's ok to feel incomplete. You don't have to shut down because you feel alone or messed up.  You are good enough. You are strong enough. You need to find your own pieces that went somewhere. Start looking. It's in you. It always has been. 

Live as if there's no tomorrow.

“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?” 
― George Eliot

Yesterday was my friend's birthday. She is beautiful inside out and is one of the big reason why I was able to pack up things and move to NYC. She loves and lives her life the fullest. She knows the importance of the life, how not to take everyday for granted. At the end of her birthday dinner, "I want to say something to everyone. I don't know when I'd get to do this gain." she said, and went around and told each of us how grateful she is for our friendship. Once, we're at the coffee shop catching up, it was one of those days that I wasn't feeling great about myself. So, she prayed for me. She held my hand and prayed for me. And I couldn't stop crying that day. Her love for life and God is beautiful. Her passion for her dreams and goals inspires me. 

And this morning, for the first time, I went to Yoga 7am. I've never done that. On the way to the studio, on the corner of the block, there were a group of police, police cars and ambulance. I wish I didn't look over to see what was going on. But they were surrounding the body on the ground covered in the white clothe. Rest in peace. I prayed. And that kept me thinking about my friend and how she said, nothing is guaranteed, we can't take anything for granted. We have to take each and everyday as a gift and cherish each moment. So, when I went into the practice, my mind was calm. My breath was there. I was grounded. How often do we pay attention to our breath if it weren't for yoga class or meditation? How often do we sit in silent without your phone? How often do we actually look people in the eyes? How often do we pay attention to what others have to say? How often do we check in with ourselves? "Right here, Right now". The teacher repeated that throughout the class. And all of the sudden, the thought that came out to my head was "I'm sorry". It wasn't for other people. It wasn't for anything else. It was for myself. It's better than before now, but before I wasn't kind to myself. Yes, being kind and being spoiled are different. But I wasn't kind to myself. I didn't eat. I didn't take care of my mental health. I hated myself. And I don't think I've ever said "I'm sorry" for that. I don't even know why this was happening. But I knew that I needed it. As Anthony Meindl says, at the end of the day, we all want to convey these 4 elements. 

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you

My life has shifted tremendously last few months. I have a completely different motivation and mindset that drives me forward. And I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for each and everyone of you in my life and who will going to be in my life. Don't be lazy to tell people how grateful you are for them. Let them know how amazing they are and how much they mean to you. Don't be afraid to feel. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Be kind to yourself, mentally and physically. Serve for the Universe. Be in love with yourself. Be in love with life. Be love. Life is a journey. How you live is up to you. 

Love, Hope, Faith.