None of these matter.

Everything in your life happened just the way it is, so that you can get right where you are right now. That has been the concept that I have known for a while now. At least in my head anyways. This concept was a great discovery for me. Things are happening for a reasons. Nothing happens for nothing. I knew that. And now, I'm trying to figure out the whys. Why were those there? what made me realize what? what was my lessons to be learned? Why and who were there to teach me? And all these digging that I am doing now, and have been doing throughout the last month or so, has swinging my life upside down. Spinning me all around like I've never before. And I realized.... I have not been living my life more than I could have been.. and as soon as I said that, the voice inside me started saying, "stop saying what should have or could have. The time has passed, there's nothing you can do now. Just move on. You just gotta go farther. Just look on the positive side and start taking actions". That's my inner voice. My voice screams at me and say all these things. And she means well. She wants me to do better. She wants me to reach my potentials. And when I see all these amazing people who are living their lives, in my eyes anyways, it makes me feel like I haven't done anything, that I haven't done ANYTHING. Seriously, the beat up mode starts right away. It's got all the powerful voices and logistics. It's powerful. And she makes total sense. And guess what? SHe's talking to me as I write. 

The more I learn about myself, the more I know that how powerful I can be. Each and every single one of us. I disconnect myself from people a lot. And hide behind computer. Because through that screen, I can be this perfect positive "Light" person that I can be. Vulnerable, Inspirational, Positive... all that. And I want to be good so much that I don't do a lot of things. The lesson I have been working no is that what is it in other people that's a reflection of me? When people irritates me, they IRRITATES me. I immediately suppress myself and become passive aggressive. I am so guilty of being passive aggressive. And you don't wanna be around me, when I'm like that. 

I can really keep going and going about what's wrong with me, and how I can turn it around and say what I'm grateful about everything. I became such a smart ass. Of course, it is easy when you are behind the screen and typing all the letters. So, what's the point of this post?! Nothing. There's no point of writing this. There's no point of me writing down all these things because none of these matters. NONE of these matter because I am not applying it, or living it, and when I do I've in it, it still doesn't matter. Because I AM THE ONE who'S putting all the meaning to this. All my fears, all my half assed life has been here regardless. But that's the way I see it NOW. I was doing the best I can in that moment. I was TRYING to do X, TRYING to do Y, TRYING to do Z... I was trying all I can do to achieve something that I wanted that moment. I WAS trying my best in that particular moment. I was trying to survive. I was trying to make the best decision that I can make at that moment. And now that the moment has passed, I know something different. I learned the perspective something that I didn't see before. Or, maybe I knew that perspective and wasn't able to see it that way. And still NONE of these matters. I still gotta live my life. I still got get out there and overcome my fears, get over myself and take actions. 

I don't wanna be alone. I don't wanna be settled. I don't wanna be going back to the restaurant job. I want friends, family, connections and thriving life. I want a job and a career that makes me want to jump out and dance. I want to be traveling. I want to get up in the morning singing everyday. I want to tell myself "I love you", everyday..... I have been doing better. I have been working on myself to get that mentality. And I know that preparing for all these mean nothing if I don't live in life. I want to live life. I want to thrive. I want to share with the world that I matter. You matter. I want to scream from the top of the empire building and say "I LOVE MY LIFE". So why not?! Why can't I do that now?! 

I love you. And help me be who I am. 

Love and light, 

Yuko

Don't hide.

Wow. I realized that I have not post any blog since this year started.

This year is going to be a completely different year and I can feel it. I have been feeling it that way since the end of last year. My life has flipped upside down in last 6 months or so. I look at myself and wanna say, what the F?!

I have been immersing myself to personal development. It feels like a personal development on steroids. I have been discovering a lot of limiting beliefs. Some of them are crazy. Then I am willing to shift those and move on to the next level. The issue with me is that I am good at doing all these inside work. I can read books, do all these workshops, watch and listen audios all I want. These are my thing. Taking the action and living it that way..... that's when I have a hard time. How am I going to do this?! I get scared. No, TERRIFIED. I get terrified to go outside and take an action. I have started doing it slowly, that's for sure. And even in that short and slow pace of progress that I made, the results are beyond my imagination. To think that this much have changed with that small shift.. imagine what could happen if I really take action? Holding myself accountable is definitely something that I get to work on this year.

The great thing about the reflections and works that I have been doing all this month is that I am more in connection with the Universe. I see that more messages and lessons are in alignment with each other. The same messages showing up in multiple ways. Different people bringing up the same conversation. People showing up in my life.... The way my perspective has shift... it's just there.

I want to be more vocal about my beliefs and desires from now on. So here I go.

With everything that's happening here in US, I just want to say this. Asian people. Wake up. Stop hiding behind all this. The main focus maybe about Black, Muslims, Caucasians... but no. We are a part of that. We are a part of this Universe and the country. Don't hide behind all these. We can't just pretend that we are not a part of it. I am going to stand up and speak for myself. We are somewhat socially accepted compare to other minorities. I watched SAG AWARDS last night. It was amazing to see all these diversed people. But where was Asian people?  Except for the Steven Yuen? Don't hide behind the stereo types. Was I the only one still holding grudge against Emma Stone?! Don't just accept it and say it's politics. If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. And I have been a part of the problem all my life. And I want to make the differences.

We need to speak up. I want the world to realize that we all matter. Not only some people, but everyone matters. EVERYONE matters. Start showing up for yourself. Start taking responsibilities for your actions. Start accepting yourself for who you are, loving yourself for who you are. You are so loved. You are so love. And I love you for that. Don't get discouraged for not seeing the result. But celebrate the actions you take. I want to do that for myself, not just talking about it. But doing it. I am here to. I matter. My voice matters. Just like you. Don't ever silence your own voice. You get to go.

If you preach that every life matter, if you preach that we all bleed the same, don't build walls. Break the walls. Don't be afraid of what you don't see. Be open to learn more. Be willing to ask questions about what you don't know. And don't turn away from seeing things for what is. Because taking that responsibility is huge. It takes actions and It comes with consequences. I am terrified of all the things that I have been avoiding till now. I have been terrified of what other people might say or think of me. And I still am. And yet, if I don't change myself, if I don't start taking responsibility for my life and the way I see things, I am still a part of the problem. I can start with me. Everyday, I have been listening to India Arie's "I choose". Because that's true. I choose to be the best of I can be. My past don't dictate who I am. I choose. Thank you for the music. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the light. I am here. And I can only start with me. I am not responsible for you. I can only be responsible for myself.

God loves me for who I am and I can only show up for myself. I don't know how I'll be feeling 15 minutes from now, but at this moment. this is what I feel.

I love you.

Are you changing your reality? or your idea of happiness?

“It is not until you change your identity to match your life blueprint that you will understand why everything in the past never worked.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

This has been a year of transition and change. It has been. I have been reflecting a lot. How far I've come. How much I've changed. How far I've grown... This is definitely the craziest year I had in my adult life. and I am so grateful that I have experienced everything. Thank you everyone for holding my truth. thank you everyone for reminding me that I am not alone.

The thing I'm really learning a lot right now is this. After listening to Marianne Williamson's lecture, this hit me the hardest.

"THE TIME FOR DATA COLLECTING IS OVER".

I really need to apply all these tools and informations into my life. Self-esteem, believing in myself, connecting with other people, being vulnerable... all these things are the thing I've always wanted. Things that I've craved all these years. And I have read enough books, listened to audios, watched videos, had chat with my friends. NOW it is time to apply all those things into action. Applied knowledges and information are what makes differences. Not on its own. Unless we take that actions, we are not going anywhere.

I was self sabotaging myself big time. I realized that. and see that so much clearer than before. I built the belief that "No matter what I do, I am not good enough". well, ultimately, "I AM NOT ENOUGH". I still wanted to look good, still wanted the validation and praise from others. So I pretended that I WAS taking actions. I told this to some people, but I was so good at leaning at the edge of the cliff, half way there, yet, clinging on to what's left on the edge so tight. Because I was afraid. I was so afraid of failing. I was so afraid of succeeding. From other people's point of view I was always doing something, at least that's what they told me. But for those who see me, ACTUALLY see me, they knew what I was doing. At the end of the day, you cannot lie to yourself. You know what you are doing. You know that you are just saying things. You know that you are just BSing. And yes, I was. I knew that I wasn't doing anything. I was preparing, and storing information. but I wasn't applying anything. Of course, I was terrified of the change! What if people look at me all silly? what if people think I am an idiot? What if they see me and think "WHO DO YOU THINK SHE IS?"? So, I didn't do anything.

I can easily go to beat up mode and say, I should have done this and that and that. There are tons and tons of should have and could have. But why would I want to do that? Why would I want to spend time on the things that I cannot change?

Tony Robbins says,

"people are not happy because they have the ideas of where they should be or how their happiness should look like(blueprint, he calls it). And that's not matching their current reality. There are 2 ways to be happy.

1) you change your blueprint. or
2) you change your current reality"

So, what's it gonna be for you? Are you changing your idea? or are you changing your reality?

Love and light,

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? 

Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?

 Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that." 

- George Carlin -

I watched Michael Beckwith's video yesterday and that opened up something new. Really it was an eye opening. And my dear friends Justin Finkelstein and Lindsey Bornstein, and many other. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by these amazing people. 

This year has been a year of transition, the year of shift. I opened up a lot more space for myself both physically and energetically. It is mind-blowing. To see how much has changed. To witness the changes that I've been through from completely different point of view. And because I am on a little bit hyped up state, I could be this positive, and be in the state of empowerment. What if I'm not?! I would rather stay in this bubble, stay this place of love and high and not wanna go back in to the physical realm. Like you just don't want this Christmas Miracles to be over. But the truth is that there will be the point that thing will shift and I will be in the place of doubt and stagnant. What I am doing right now is to work on the muscle to build a habit, so that when that happens, I have a tool to come back. So that I can access the choice with conscious awareness. So that I could say "Yes, I am making this choice.". 

A neighbor and I were just talking and she said something really profound. 

"Where there's an action, there's reaction. No action, No reaction". 

So, let's just take a moment and really reflect on that. Whether you like the reaction or not, the fact that you ARE getting that reaction is a proof that you DID take action. And that's something to be celebrated. Yes, true. Sometimes the actions we take are auto-pilot, or subconscious. Yet the moment you realize that whatever we do, anything for that matters, as long as we are breathing, we ARE taking actions. So we are constantly creating that ripple effect. We are constantly bringing the shift in the collective consciousness and collective energy. That's why people say there's no line between you and I. Because we are connected so closely to each other energetically and we are actually not separated. Separation comes from fear. Separation comes from not knowing. Separation comes from lack of love. Separation is something we created. We are all one. Everything we do pretty much are learned behavior and beliefs. And some of them are ingrained genetically. It's that strong. But, when we take that moment to see things for what is, and see what your physical eyes can see, and connect with that person right in front of you....you will start seeing things differently. 

I realized that I have not been as present as I could have been. As I was watching Michael Beckwith's 90min video, I went on the phone, I opened the different tab on Safari, I went to grab my coffee.... so how present was I? Not to dismiss what I learned from this amazing lecture. What I got from it was HUGE. So think about how much more I could have gotten, if I were 100% present? Imagine. 

We are light. We are love and what we see and what we hear... it all comes back to us. So, why not be more present? Why not share more love? Why not be more present? The question becomes "WHY NOT?" So, ask yourself a question today. WHY NOT BE LOVE? 

Love and light

A New Ground

I wish I could take my own medicine..... That's what I have been thinking for the past few days. lol. Life is funny, isn't it?!

When you start your journey as a seeker and a student of life, you learn a lot. And all these information that we learn, it is no use if we don't apply into our lives. I am a spiritual and self-help book junkie. I love those books, videos, audios.... those are my thing. That makes me feel good. That makes me feel I did something good not only for myself but also for the world. But the thing is that nothing actually happened. I might have put a seed or two in my brain. I might have gained some knowledge. I might have even shared some of these informations and tools with others. But if I don't apply those amazing things into my life, what's that gonna do?

This past few weeks, I have been really struggling emotionally. I have been crying like I have never before. I have been on emotional roller coasters like I have never been before. I have been throwing temper tantalum like I have never before. I have gained so much information and principals that i have not yet to apply into my life. In other people's eyes, I may look like I am doing everything, doing all the "right" thing, "walking" the talk... but who am I kidding? !I know more than anybody that that ain't gonna cut it.

I am finishing this training that I was in for the past 90 days. The people that I met in this group and throughout this period.. they changed my life. Seriously, my life changed. I don't think I am the same person. The people come into my life changed. The way I relate with people changed. The way I connect with myself change. And yesterday, I was freaking out because I thought that the moment this 90 days are over, it's all gonna disappear like the dream. People will disappear. What I have been through was just a dream. And I will be all alone again.... I knew that wasn't true. I knew that this is all real and these people are not going anywhere. And I did have accomplish all these things. The goals that I have and haven't reached are still there. Yet, I was terrified. I knew that I have a choice to shift my thought and be strong. Yet, my emotion were taking over me. I couldn't shake out the feeling. I wasn't making choices. It was easy to stay in that realm.

This experience was all for trying the new ground. And for me, that was allowing myself to feel it. Allowing myself to be vulnerable. Allowing myself to not be alone. Allowing myself to be ok with sharing those. Allowing myself to be really vulnerable and let others support me. And that actually has been a new ground. So, thank you for creating this space. Thank you fro allowing me to be ok with who I am. And thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for trusting me.

"I AM ME". That's my journey.

Truth... Change is inevitable. I am feeling that more than ever. As a matter of fact, change might be the only thing that is for sure. We constantly change whether we like it or not.

What I am going through is this... The biggest challenge for me is that saying X and doing X. I know that I am good at putting a good face. I know that from the outside, I might look like I am doing 100 million things and being busy and following my dream, quote and quote. And the reality is... different. I am good at preparing for the work. I am good at studying or doing the research, and taking action... that's a whole new story. I realized that I have been "doing it" for the longest time. I have been playing small. I have been playing safe. People have been telling me that I am good at doing this or that. (i.e. taking headshot, or talking to people or doing so many other things). I have come to the point that I made up so much BS that I started believing that. But who am I kidding? I know better than anyone that I am not doing it. I know that I haven't pushing myself to the most. I told some people that I am standing on the ledge. My feet half way out.  I am leaning forward. But I haven't jumped off. I am terrified of jumping off. I haven't trusted the Universe fully. And even that, because I am leaning forward, people think that I am jumping. They haven't seen me jump yet. They think that I am. Have I???

My mentor inspires me so much. She is the reason that I went on this path. At least, she showed me the way. And for that I am forever grateful for that. She lives in that. She lives in the change. She lives in action. She lives in authenticity. She lives in vulnerability. She lives in connection. I have so much respect for her and I am so grateful for her and the path she led me to.


I want to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I get in the little bubble and think that it's all about me. How would people think of me? How would people perceive me? What if people think that I am so conceited? What if people think I am crazy? I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to look stupid. I didn't want people to shut me down. I didn't want to hear no. I didn't want to feel rejected or worthless. I know that once I do it, it's not that big of a deal. But until I do it, I make it bigger than it is. We do that a lot, don't we? I believe in what I do. "I AM ME" Project, Essential Oils, Yoga, meditations... all the things that gives me love and purpose and connection... I believe in all that. When I don't trust in the Universe enough I go back into my bubble.

I've always loved singing. Singing was one thing that kept me going. Even though I knew that it is a form of art, I always felt somewhat doing it to make myself feel better. I got the attention. I got compliments. I got what I needed to make me feel better. And the other day, I finally saw that the music is truly a gift. I knew that the message needed to be shared. I knew that what I was singing could inspire people. I knew that I needed to sing that song. I knew that I WANTED to sing that song.

I am on a selfish journey. I wanna soar. I wanna fly. I wanna be me. And I want to get out of my shell. I want to connect. I want to live.

A friend asked me, "Are you trying to prove yourself that you can't do it?"

The self-sabotaging journey that I have been on. I want to stop that now. I want to walk the talk. I want to live what I preach. I want to be more. I want to be me. "I AM ME". So help me walk this journey. Help me live this life. Help me be who I really am.

I love you.

love, hope fatih

What’s going on? 

Everything seems to be falling apart. The election? The Country? The people? and my life? 

People say all kinds of things. "Before all the breakthrough, there’s always a breakdown.” “There’s no mistakes, because whatever the decisions we made, we thought that was the best decision at that exact moment”. Knowing and understanding are different. We see what we see, depending on how we see. No two people see the situation the same. What I see and what you see are different. What I feel based on A is different than what you feel based on A. So, we do what we think is the best at that moment. 

I don’t understand why people voted for Trump. I really don’t. As an immigrant, as a non-us citizen, as a woman of color and a minority, I have nothing to stand for him. What he is this. what he is is the ultimate example of what we could become if we let shadows take us over. He is the representation of 7 deadly sins. Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, and sloth……. God is showing us how we could be if we let ourselves go. God is giving us the greatest opportunity to step into our light. Step into our love. Step in to our greatest potential. That we get to heal. That we get to love. We get to lean in and support each other. We get to love and be loved. We get to shine our light. We are allowed to grieve. It is a part of process. It is necessary to let ourselves actually go through that emotions, rather than pressing it down and hanging on to it. We need to let it go. And after all that, we can finally move on. Move on and step into the light. The light that we were made to be. God wants us to  be the light. God created us as light. We are light. We just forgot that we were. We were so blinded by our earthly possessions like money, or house, or any material objects. But the truth is that we don’t need any of that. We are meant to be prosperous. We are meant to be happy. We are mean to be one. Because there’s actually no separation between you and me. So what I see in you, is exact reflection of myself. I am you, you are me. As a course in miracle says, we are like a drop of ocean or the sun, thinking that we are separate from others. Because we think we are separate, we see things from the place of scarcity. We need to shift. We need ti start seeing things from the place of love, a place of abundance, a place of love and compassion. That’s where we are meant to be. 

Right now, it is ok to mourn. It is ok to be upset. It is ok to be frustrated…. but after all that, we get to let go. We see what’s above all these and will be able to commit to our higher purpose. Our divine creation has been there. 

So, what now? Choose love. Choose compassion. How can we find compassion for those who elected him? How can we find understanding and love while we have completely opposite interest in life? How can we support each other while we stand for something that’s completely contradictory? What can we do? The fact that we are hurting, that means that we care. We care about this country. We care about this family and friends. We care about our future….. That’s why they try to protect. They try to hold on to things that matters to them. They try to hold on to what they have….It’s all the fears. Fears to be separate. Fear to be free. Fear to be loved unconditionally. Fear to be…And that is ok. We get to start from there. We get to move from there. We cannot bring ourselves down to where they are. But we can hold space for them. We can be the light, show them the way and holding the ground for them. We cannot pull them up. They need to do it on their own. So, let’s be the light. Let’s be the love. Let’s thrive. Let’s be one. 

You are divine. Now is a time to unite. Now is time to commit. Now is the time to love and be loved. And there’s no better time than now. Right here, right now.