None of these matter.

Everything in your life happened just the way it is, so that you can get right where you are right now. That has been the concept that I have known for a while now. At least in my head anyways. This concept was a great discovery for me. Things are happening for a reasons. Nothing happens for nothing. I knew that. And now, I'm trying to figure out the whys. Why were those there? what made me realize what? what was my lessons to be learned? Why and who were there to teach me? And all these digging that I am doing now, and have been doing throughout the last month or so, has swinging my life upside down. Spinning me all around like I've never before. And I realized.... I have not been living my life more than I could have been.. and as soon as I said that, the voice inside me started saying, "stop saying what should have or could have. The time has passed, there's nothing you can do now. Just move on. You just gotta go farther. Just look on the positive side and start taking actions". That's my inner voice. My voice screams at me and say all these things. And she means well. She wants me to do better. She wants me to reach my potentials. And when I see all these amazing people who are living their lives, in my eyes anyways, it makes me feel like I haven't done anything, that I haven't done ANYTHING. Seriously, the beat up mode starts right away. It's got all the powerful voices and logistics. It's powerful. And she makes total sense. And guess what? SHe's talking to me as I write. 

The more I learn about myself, the more I know that how powerful I can be. Each and every single one of us. I disconnect myself from people a lot. And hide behind computer. Because through that screen, I can be this perfect positive "Light" person that I can be. Vulnerable, Inspirational, Positive... all that. And I want to be good so much that I don't do a lot of things. The lesson I have been working no is that what is it in other people that's a reflection of me? When people irritates me, they IRRITATES me. I immediately suppress myself and become passive aggressive. I am so guilty of being passive aggressive. And you don't wanna be around me, when I'm like that. 

I can really keep going and going about what's wrong with me, and how I can turn it around and say what I'm grateful about everything. I became such a smart ass. Of course, it is easy when you are behind the screen and typing all the letters. So, what's the point of this post?! Nothing. There's no point of writing this. There's no point of me writing down all these things because none of these matters. NONE of these matter because I am not applying it, or living it, and when I do I've in it, it still doesn't matter. Because I AM THE ONE who'S putting all the meaning to this. All my fears, all my half assed life has been here regardless. But that's the way I see it NOW. I was doing the best I can in that moment. I was TRYING to do X, TRYING to do Y, TRYING to do Z... I was trying all I can do to achieve something that I wanted that moment. I WAS trying my best in that particular moment. I was trying to survive. I was trying to make the best decision that I can make at that moment. And now that the moment has passed, I know something different. I learned the perspective something that I didn't see before. Or, maybe I knew that perspective and wasn't able to see it that way. And still NONE of these matters. I still gotta live my life. I still got get out there and overcome my fears, get over myself and take actions. 

I don't wanna be alone. I don't wanna be settled. I don't wanna be going back to the restaurant job. I want friends, family, connections and thriving life. I want a job and a career that makes me want to jump out and dance. I want to be traveling. I want to get up in the morning singing everyday. I want to tell myself "I love you", everyday..... I have been doing better. I have been working on myself to get that mentality. And I know that preparing for all these mean nothing if I don't live in life. I want to live life. I want to thrive. I want to share with the world that I matter. You matter. I want to scream from the top of the empire building and say "I LOVE MY LIFE". So why not?! Why can't I do that now?! 

I love you. And help me be who I am. 

Love and light, 

Yuko

Don't hide.

Wow. I realized that I have not post any blog since this year started.

This year is going to be a completely different year and I can feel it. I have been feeling it that way since the end of last year. My life has flipped upside down in last 6 months or so. I look at myself and wanna say, what the F?!

I have been immersing myself to personal development. It feels like a personal development on steroids. I have been discovering a lot of limiting beliefs. Some of them are crazy. Then I am willing to shift those and move on to the next level. The issue with me is that I am good at doing all these inside work. I can read books, do all these workshops, watch and listen audios all I want. These are my thing. Taking the action and living it that way..... that's when I have a hard time. How am I going to do this?! I get scared. No, TERRIFIED. I get terrified to go outside and take an action. I have started doing it slowly, that's for sure. And even in that short and slow pace of progress that I made, the results are beyond my imagination. To think that this much have changed with that small shift.. imagine what could happen if I really take action? Holding myself accountable is definitely something that I get to work on this year.

The great thing about the reflections and works that I have been doing all this month is that I am more in connection with the Universe. I see that more messages and lessons are in alignment with each other. The same messages showing up in multiple ways. Different people bringing up the same conversation. People showing up in my life.... The way my perspective has shift... it's just there.

I want to be more vocal about my beliefs and desires from now on. So here I go.

With everything that's happening here in US, I just want to say this. Asian people. Wake up. Stop hiding behind all this. The main focus maybe about Black, Muslims, Caucasians... but no. We are a part of that. We are a part of this Universe and the country. Don't hide behind all these. We can't just pretend that we are not a part of it. I am going to stand up and speak for myself. We are somewhat socially accepted compare to other minorities. I watched SAG AWARDS last night. It was amazing to see all these diversed people. But where was Asian people?  Except for the Steven Yuen? Don't hide behind the stereo types. Was I the only one still holding grudge against Emma Stone?! Don't just accept it and say it's politics. If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem. And I have been a part of the problem all my life. And I want to make the differences.

We need to speak up. I want the world to realize that we all matter. Not only some people, but everyone matters. EVERYONE matters. Start showing up for yourself. Start taking responsibilities for your actions. Start accepting yourself for who you are, loving yourself for who you are. You are so loved. You are so love. And I love you for that. Don't get discouraged for not seeing the result. But celebrate the actions you take. I want to do that for myself, not just talking about it. But doing it. I am here to. I matter. My voice matters. Just like you. Don't ever silence your own voice. You get to go.

If you preach that every life matter, if you preach that we all bleed the same, don't build walls. Break the walls. Don't be afraid of what you don't see. Be open to learn more. Be willing to ask questions about what you don't know. And don't turn away from seeing things for what is. Because taking that responsibility is huge. It takes actions and It comes with consequences. I am terrified of all the things that I have been avoiding till now. I have been terrified of what other people might say or think of me. And I still am. And yet, if I don't change myself, if I don't start taking responsibility for my life and the way I see things, I am still a part of the problem. I can start with me. Everyday, I have been listening to India Arie's "I choose". Because that's true. I choose to be the best of I can be. My past don't dictate who I am. I choose. Thank you for the music. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the light. I am here. And I can only start with me. I am not responsible for you. I can only be responsible for myself.

God loves me for who I am and I can only show up for myself. I don't know how I'll be feeling 15 minutes from now, but at this moment. this is what I feel.

I love you.