Born again.

“Those who have failed to work toward the truth have missed the purpose of living.” 
― Gautama Buddha

Last weekend, I had one of the most amazing experience I've  ver had. It taught me so much about me, my belief and my power. It was a breakthrough. It gave me a whole new vision. 

Life is a roller coaster, there's no doubt about that. We have a good day and a bad day. We have an ok day and not so ok day. And yet, it's like the pendulum, it swings back and forth. It comes back to neutral eventually. I love that. And overall, it is in a perfect harmony. The Universe is in a perfect balance as we speak. We just don't see it that way. We hear things and see things that's not present, most of the news that we see on the TV is devastating. People killing each other, destroying this Earth, creating more problems... And those who are aware of these issues, keep fighting for it. People are speaking up, initiating the movement, preaching people to raise up and be a family. Because we are a family. No matter who you are or where you are, we are all family in this Universe. And it is sad that most people don't see it that way. I love how Marianne Williamson explain about us. Each of us are a cell in the body, that's forming the Universe. We are all assigned to different subject. You are assigned for art, maybe you are assigned for politics, maybe you are assigned for animals.... whatever that assignment you got, that is only for you. I cannot fulfill that for you, nor you can do mine. We all have our individual assignment. But we think we know better. We think we can figure out what we are suppose to do. We are all a part of big picture and if we can all fulfill our own assignment, then and ONLY then, the Universe will be a "Perfect" place. Can we make it happen in our life time? Most likely not. Because we are so obsessed by our ego and what we think that's best for us, without realizing what our true purpose is. We already have one. We don't need to go look for it outside. We need to look inside of us. Like the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy had the power to go back to Kansas all along, but she needed to figure it out on her own. She needed to know that she had that power. She needed to know that she was the key to her own destiny. We need to do that for ourselves. We need to know that we are the key to the great future, we are the ingredient for happiness, that we are the magic that we've been looking for. 

I realized that I have been hiding and spending so much time and energy on things that doesn't really matter. I was afraid of what other people think of me. I was afraid of whether if people will like me or not. I was afraid that if I am not doing it wrong... And over the course of weekend, it made me truly realize that it was all transparent. People can see through you. People can see right through you and tell you that you are afraid, that you are worried, that you are hurt. Of course they won't know the details, but people can feel the disconnect, the guard that you put up, the mask you put on. Those are transparent. So why spend so much time on things that's so obvious? Why spend so much time trying to NOT connect with what's important? 

I believe connecting to people in the most authentic way, being truly who I am, being honest to my weakness and vulnerability, paying attention to what's going on inside me, those are so much more important than what I have been doing. 

Another thing that I really loved was this, "being powerful means being able to empower others". This changed my world. Oprah is powerful, Obama is powerful, Gandhi is powerful, MLK is powerful, Maya Angelou is powerful... YOU are powerful. I am powerful. We are all powerful in our own unique way. We are all responsible for our own power. Own that power and be proud of it. It is different from being arrogant or self righteous. It means you are so sure of yourself and your purpose,  what you think of yourself and what others think of yourself don't even matter. Because you are truly in alignment with your purpose, and with serving that purpose for the rest of the world. 

Be you. Be Unapologetically you. You deserve it. Every single ounce of you matter. Your voice matters. You matter. And there's absolutely no mistake you are here for a reason. Right here, right now. 

Love, Hope, Faith

Perfect, NO. Committed? Absolutely. - the lesson I learned from the challenge, ROUND 1 -

“The key to life is accepting challenges. Once someone stops doing this, he's dead.” 
― Bette Davis -

A little while ago, I gave myself a challenge.  A challenge called ABC for "I AM ME". I have been working on this project called "I AM ME" Project. Doing that, made me realize how much I love talking to people, connecting with people, and also don't really know about myself. I've written here so many times that I am good at writing about myself but not talking about myself. Now this comes to the point that I cannot make any excuse for myself. Well, rather, it came to the point that I didn't want to make any excuse for myself. I wasn't sure what I was doing. It's just that I was called to do this project. I was called to reach out to people and go beyond what I was already comfortable. 

So, let's talk about ABC for "I AM ME". It's a very simple challenge. I post up video of me talk about any topic based on a word, or two, starting with that letter. For example, the very first day, the letter was A and I talked about authenticity. It was "LIVE" but not really. I put my FB setting for "ONLY ME" and did few practice rounds. Once I was done, I did post it up. In the beginning, I wanted to do it good. I wanted to make the best video. I was excited. I thought I was gonna talk about all these amazing thing about being me, and all that. I didn't know why I was doing it, or what I was doing it for. But I knew that I was suppose to do it. A lot of actors can agree with me on this, once you have the permission, like given a script, or given a direction, then we can go there. We can do however big or crazy or angry or anything they want us to be. But when there's no script and no direction? We have to give ourselves a permission to do what we want to do. More often than not, we don't. Because we tend to think that who we are, is not good enough. In order for others to tell us it was good, it was necessary for us to stay in the box, meet their expectation, be who THEY want us to be, or who we THINK they want us to be. Or we would be mimicking someone else and we have no idea. Because we are not use to giving ourselves the permission. It is the expectation that WE put on ourselves. It's the FEAR in disguise. I realized that I had expectation for myself, more than I imagined. I wanted those videos to be good, the message to be clear, and the viewers to LIKE them. Ha. Full of expectation. I wanted to make myself look good, obviously. 

And in the middle of that challenge. I decided to actually GO LIVE. I was nervous. Really nervous. Damn notifications that pops up on the bottom screen made me even more self conscious. How many people are watching? How many people are leaving? Is anybody commenting? Then, a friend pointed out. "STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO THE NOTIFICATION". BOOM! I wasn't speaking for myself. I wasn't being clear about my vision or intention or any of that. I was there and I wasn't there at all. So, I stopped looking the notification and decide to stare at myself, which is terrifying by the way. You know what they say when people tell you to do the mirror exercise. "YOU can't lie to yourself, while you are looking at yourself in the mirror." It was almost torture for the first few minutes. Then once I was in the zone, speaking from a deeper place, The nerve started to go away. It wasn't the same nerve any more. It turned into excitement. I turned into something deeper. It went into my WHY. Why I am doing any of this. Why I wanted to start this in the first place. WHY I want to keep talking about my mission and purpose. I couldn't be more grateful for his advice. Thank you. 

Yesterday, it was the letter Z. I actually had to look up what are the words that starts with Z other than zero and zebra. They say it takes 21 days to start forming a new habit. I noticed that I wasn't afraid of talking about myself, at least less than before anyways. I wasn't so stressed about looking at myself any more. I am starting to talk like me, or finding out the way to talk without imitating other people. OMG, I know that without even realizing, I was trying to sound like my teachers, Marie Forleo, Marriane Williamson, Gabby Bernstein... and NOPE! that wasn't happening. I felt like I got the glimpse of talking as who I am and have FUN though. And it was liberating. So, what I took out from this was this. 

1) We have a choice to give ourself a permission to be who we are. 

2) It takes practice to find your way. Experiment. Imitate. Have Fun. Then you find your way. 

3) If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT. 

4) This is only a beginning. 

5) Be in the moment and truly focus on what's right in front of you. 

I am going to keep doing the challenge, putting myself more on tape. Explore more area of where I am truly not being me yet. I am gonna expand my comfort zone. I am gonna have fun. I am gonna be in the moment.  I am not going to apologize for who I am. And I am gonna commit to it. 

Stay tune for what's more to come. 

"I AM ME" Unapologetically. 

Love, Hope, Faith